Sometimes you just have to listen.

This one is for the woman I met in the bookstore yesterday.  A book triggered her grief, and she needed someone to listen.  I'm glad I was there.

To K-

The sadness was plain in your eyes.

I wondered, "What causes the tears she cries?"

Weary wells, windows of your soul,

They poured it all out.

A stranger, I might walk away,

The choice to stay was just as simple.

Could I not lend my ear? 

You didn't expect me to listen,

Much less respond, sharing in kind.

But, I had to.  Someone did.

You needed a tether to the world,

And I let my own fall away,

That afternoon, I needed to hear what you needed to say.

I didn't have the answers you sought to find,

But, I hope it gave you some small comfort,

Knowing I am just as unknowing.

One thing I've learned about grieving, everyone does it their own way, in their own time.  She thanked me as we parted, for taking the time to listen, but I should be thanking her.  It was a reminder of what is important - how we treat those around us.  We share this world together, for the little time we have on it.  Small acts of kindness cost nothing, and are more rewarding than you think.  When others have shown me kindness, I appreciated it more than they probably know.  I do believe things happen for a reason, even if we never understand why in this life.     

K-, this rose is for your mother.  I hope you and I meet again one day.  Even more, I hope your heart finds peace.

I hope you all have a beautiful day!

Roari

Is there a light at the end of this dark cave I've crawled into?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like without all of these characters in my head, chattering away, nagging me to let them out.  Quieter?  More organized?  More focused?

Starting out, I just scribbled poems and stories for myself.  It was my therapy of choice.  Then, there was the first main character.  I was only concerned with building her world, at first.  And that world kept getting bigger and bigger....

I spent too many years working too many hours at a job that left me too exhausted to focus on writing, so I feel like I'm way behind in the game.  I've read more articles, essays and blog posts about the craft, the business, the art, the culture, the trends, and the futility of a writing career than I can count.  At some point, it all starts to bleed together into one big sign that screams Do Not Enter.  But those are my favorite places to go!

Despite the seeming pointlessness of trying to write books, fictional novels more specifically, I foolishly decided to listen to the characters who wouldn't stop talking.  Now, there are six distinct worlds in which I write.  But the more time I spend in them, the more I feel like I'm burrowing deeper in a cave.  The world continues to revolve around the sun, and I'm here in another one, trying to give it life.

At any given time or place, a large portion of my mind is somewhere else creating scenes, characters, stories, and sometimes I drift over there.  It's not intentional.  I don't mean to be inattentive.  It's just the embers of a story in my brain never completely go out.  The flames may die down, for months and years at a time, but the characters and their worlds are always with me, smoldering.

Do we all seek a light at the end of the tunnel?  I don't know.  For me, finishing a novel, and going through the process of self-publishing isn't enough.  I don't see a light.  I didn't expect The Shadow Watcher to climb any lists, and it hasn't, because no one knows who I am, or that it exists, really.  Not beyond you, reading my blog, those who've seen posts on Facebook, and family and friends who I've shared it with.  But now that I've gone through the process, I know what to expect, and I'll move through it more quickly with the next book, and the one after that.

All I see are more books that need to be written.  I'll worry about the light later....

I hope you're having a beautiful day!
Roari

I'd rather be in my own little world....

I've been accused of spending more time in one of my own little worlds than the real one.  It's probably true, but not just of being in the worlds of my own creation, I get lost in those of countless other authors and artists as well.  It's an escape from the ugly reality we see on the news, or may even encounter first-hand, every day.

Photo by Alishba Farooqui at Stockvault.net

I can escape into a piece of art, such as the photo above, as easily as a book.  Now that I think about it, various pieces have been inspiration for several of my stories.  Now this, I just saw today, but it could be the flower fields in the valley of Naharran on Isiterra, though there would have to be five moons in the sky.  Really, it's more of a scene out of The Land of All But Forgotten Things.  See the glow of the fairies, waking up in the flowers?  Places like this are what I've dreamed of seeing for as long as I can remember.  Since I can't draw them, I write about them.

The Shadow Watcher is different from from my earlier novel attempts, the landscape looks like your typical Southern California neighborhood.  (If you've seen Roswell, you've seen Novica.)  It's my first novel set in the "real world," and I was intentionally setting out to write something different.  It resulted in my first published novel as well - who knew?

As much as I'm enjoying the endless possibilities here on Earth, I want to hurry up and be done with A Shadow in Doubt already!  Isiterra is calling to me - that world is truly my own, and I've been away too long....

I hope you're having a beautiful day in your corner of the world - or can at least escape to one you prefer!
Roari

The Weight of Time

The Weight of Time

The weight of Time 
presses against my shoulder,
urging me forward, 
on, and on,
toward what end,
I could never imagine,
I only know Time will not wait.


I started that as a post on a poetry blog last May.  I may or may not finish it.  Maybe it is finished.  I don't think so though...   

I was feeling this pressure of time slipping away, like I was missing out on my kid's childhoods, always saying "maybe next year," knowing there are only precious few of those years before they are grown and living their own lives.  (And that I would never finish writing a book.)  We were fortunate at that time to be in a position where I could leave my job to stay home, so I did.  

There is still the pressure of time.  Getting to school.  Getting homework done.  Filling in the holes the dog digs. Editing the sequel to The Shadow Watcher.  It's a different kind of weight, one I don't mind carrying.  Speaking of editing, I'm going to get back to it now...

Enough rambling for one night.  I hope yours is beautiful!

Roari  

Innocence

"Innocence" - Roari Benjamin

And there it was, glittering in the afternoon sun,
A forgotten jewel of memory
Floating above the schoolyard field,
Where the children - running and laughing -
Unlocked it unwittingly with their unknown magic.
To reach out, to take it in hand, would be too much,
Pain, knowing there is no path by which to return.
To try to make them understand,
Would tarnish their lens to look back in time.
It is better they know not the treasure they hold,
The infinite possibilities that may unfold,
For, in that, is the beauty of it all.


(I was inspired spending the afternoon with my daughter's class for "Water Day."  Oh, the memories it brought back...)

Side Notes Turned Stories

Here I am blogging again, when I should be editing the sequel to The Shadow Watcher - which I keep calling The Shadow Society, but I already know that's not what the title is.  It doesn't work, at least not yet.  I'll worry about that later.

What's really distracting me?  When I started The Shadow Watcher, I had no clue what I was getting myself into.  The idea was to get away from complicated histories and such - I've got enough of that going on in the Isiterra universe.  I needed a break!  What started with two people meeting in an alley, having a strange conversation, evolved into a complex cast of characters with widely varied goals and motivations.

Those two people are still the core of the story, but I found the need to explore some of the other characters more, because their goals and motivations are equally important.  I've already written some short pieces I'm calling "Fore Shadows" - stories from Future Sam's perspective and from Michael's.  I'm saving the first one for after the second book, possibly will include it at the end.  Probably.

Kristoff wasn't supposed to become a main character, but he's becoming one of my favorites.  He was going to die in the attack, but I couldn't let him.  But, there's another book, so no one's safe!  I spent a couple days working out his back-story a month or so ago, which made me like him even more.

And, yesterday, I started on Tollack Pennington's story.  I knew it vaguely, but when I got into the exact reasons behind his resentment of Daniel Marquet, his best friend's son, things got interesting.  I spent too much time goofing around on the internet, but I did nail down some dates and locations that were still floating somewhere in the general fog of back-story.  I also got a much clearer picture of Samuel's life from 1513 on.

Those will be the future installments of "Fore Shadows."  I was going to include them in the sequel to "The Shadow Watcher", but I think they slow down the plot.  They'll make for interesting reading, but won't be central to Sam and Michael's story.

Well, that's what I've been up to, but now it's pool time.  More writing after the sun goes down!

I hope you're having a beautiful day!
Roari

The Wrong Characters Are In My Head!

All day, while procrastinating with blog and Facebook posts, I've been trying to work on "The Shadow Society" - but I can't get in Sam's head today.  The most progress I've made is deciding The Shadow Society won't be the title.  Those words may be involved, but not in that order.  I don't know....

Instead of editing, I've been thinking about "The Land of All But Forgotten Things,"  I wrote lyrics to an imaginary song in my head, and then there's another character - Kaylie/Tah - who woke up today for some reason.  She's been out for well over a year, and then all of a sudden, here she is babbling away about her past lives, and their relevance to the story.

Charlotte Fairgrey has been bugging me as well.  And then there's Aria, and the whole world there on Isisterra.  It's past time to go back there.

There's a lot on my plate, but the sequel to The Shadow Watcher is what's coming next!

I hope you're having a beautiful day!
Roari